FROM : Jarro Katz
May 17th, 2014
Hey PuppyMomma,
I have been sittin here surrounded by all theese complaneing miserable dogs and so I decided to rite this lettr to you. Man, you get a room full of dogs, and it quickly becomes a therapy session. Man I sure don’t want to end up like these three bitches I met. The first one was a French Poodle and I could not understand one word this uppity bitch said. You didn’t teach me French.
The second was a German Shepard and I couldn’t understand her either. Every thing she said sounded like she was trying to clear her throat like those cats in the neighborhood trying to cof up a hairball.
The last was this Pomeranian whose breath was so bad it made me gag!!!
So nstead of me turning into one of these complaners, I thought it was best to rite this lettr. I no that you are doing one on your “races” tomorrow, but I had to get this off my chest.
1) Don’t make fun of my sleepy habits nor my (still big) paws. I can’t help that they are big. Since I am now 11 years old (thats 1.5 human years x7 “dog years”- yes I am good at Math) I should be sleeping like a growing tweenager, therefore, not only will I sleep in alot alot alot, my paws are not really THAT big for my age. So please, dont hurt my feelings. You could also compliment me on my “smarts” a little more.
2) I dont like to run 8 miles. i know you do but give me a break sometimes. If you are going to make me run, i want my own ipod. When you wear one, you dont talk to me. And I like all kinds of music, but my two favorites are Hound Dog by Elvis, Bad to the Bone by George Thorogood and Puppy Love by Donny Osmond.
3) I want to change my name from Jarro to STUD.
4) The food you give me sucks. The French bitch when she spoke English said her momme cooked her steak and chicken and that her food didn’t taste like musty leftovers.
5) Thanks for weening me out the crate, by the way. I apologize for eating your linen and peeing on your bed but I was so excited to be free, i could not contain my excitement.
6) That little blonde dog you make me play with at the dog park that you seem to think I like to go to every day, has bad breath and passes gas constantly. she’s gross.
7) I get dizzy watching you ride your bike on that stand in front of the tv. Let me just hang on the sofa which by the way needs cleaning. Just cuz I am a dog does not mean I dont want my sofa to be clean.
8) I just found out that you are NOT my Momma. So I want to refer to you as Aunt Larni.
9) And I would like you to help me find my parents. my life wont be complete until i do
10) dont ever dress me up in girls clothes again. I had my eye on this white piece of awesomeness when we out to see all those nuts run and she laughed at me and made fun of me.
11) I want a facebook page of my own. i want to post my own pictures.
I want you to know that despite a few flaws, i think your really cool Aunt Larni. You make me laugh with those stupid faces you make and I like to hang with you. You may be thinking how I typed this but I am a fast learner, and I watch you all the time. I no my spelling is not so great. I had to write this letter so I would not end up in therapy like the rest of these dogs in Dogforia. This place sure aint like that other foria where you go all time to get yogurt and hope no one sees you.
By the way, i met a pit bull, and I am not like him. I AM NOT A PIT BULL!!!!
Good luck Auntee on your “race”. I hope you arent mad at me. I just had to tell you these things. i know you are doing your best.
Auntee, your the best.
Luv,
Jarro
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